Tears and Progress

I cried a little the other day. They were good tears, happy tears. We had a meeting with Maddy's teachers before the end of the school year. Her teacher wanted to show us what they'd been working on.

I admit,  I was skeptical that it would be much more than we just talked about a few months ago at her IEP meeting. Maddy had been making some new sounds she hadn't before, but no actual words. She's starting to say something that resembles a combination of "Grandma" and "Grandpa." It comes out a little garbled, but it's holding promise. Maddy will also now sign "please." Other that that, however, I haven't seen a lot of new things going on at home.

I couldn't have been more wrong. Maddy was following simple directions. Things like "touch your head," "turn around" and "clap your hands" posed no problem for my little girl. I was already well on my way to fighting back tears at this point, when the flash cards came out. The flash cards were pictures of items. The teacher laid out three different pictures on the desk. "Maddy, where's the ladder?" her teacher asked her. She looked very carefully at each card before picking the right one. The tears did come then. I held them back as best I could, but a few still slipped out. This was especially true when I looked at my husband in wonder. He had, I'm sure, the same look on his face that I had on mine.

We watched as Maddy picked the right card time after time. I was so amazed and proud of my little girl. Even more so when her teacher decided to bring out cards depicting actions. She warned us that Maddy had never seen them before. Maddy obviously didn't do as good with them as the others, but she picked several of the right answers without any prompts.

For me, this is one more sign that Maddy will be okay. I really struggle with emotions on this topic. Part of me wishes that Maddy would be "normal" with "normal" development. I think every parent goes through that thought. Particularly a parent who has a child with special needs. I struggle with being okay with how Maddy is right now. A part of me hopes that she'll just grow out of this delay and suddenly catch up with her peers. I know that that's unlikely and that a more likely scenario is that eventually we will have a diagnosis for Maddy.

None of those emotions change the fact that I'm so proud of my daughter for overcoming as much as she has. She is the most delightful, happy, sunny child. Even if she doesn't really want to do things, she will do them. She might complain about doing those things, in her own way. But, the complaining never lasts long. She is so smart. When she is ready to learn things, it doesn't take her very long at all. But she has to be ready for them. I'm getting better at learning to be patient and let her learn at her own pace. Every time I see her doing something new she learned, that patience pays off.

Annual IEP Meeting

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We had Maddy's annual IEP (Indidudual Education Plan for those that don't know what that means) at school the other day. I will admit my feelings on these are mixed. I mentioned to my husband the other day that I feel like I don't even know what she does at school most of the time. Maddy can't tell us what she did that day ( even though I always ask her.) Admittedly, I don't call and talk to the teachers on a regular basis, so some of the fault lays with me.

That being said, the meeting went really well. We had some good feedback on how Maddy is progressing, as well as some honest discussion on things that need to be worked on. Maddy's speech pathologist had notes from many of their sessions. Those were huge for me. Reading over those little notes was a great way to stop and actually look at how far Maddy has progressed so far this year. For example, being able to climb the stairs. At the beginning of the year, Maddy couldn't walk up or down stairs just holding onto someone's hand. She was still crawling up and scooting down. Now Maddy is practically an expert at walking up and down the stairs with one hand on the railing and an adult holding the other hand.

The point is there has been progress. I get caught up sometimes wishing there was more progress, that it would be faster. But Maddy's always marched to the tune of her own drummer. She will not be rushed if she's not ready for something. I wish I could say the same! :)

I do feel the plan this year is good for Maddy. She is already going to ECSE (early childhood special education) classes twice a week for two hours. They are recommending she go to pre-school (or Discovery Time) two other days a week. That means she'll be going to school four days a week. I think that Discovery Time will hopefully help her socialize a bit better with other kids. That's already been seeming to get better and better lately. Time will only tell.