Sometimes it's hard to do my job. It can be a difficult job anyway, but what I mean is that it's hard not to think "why us?" My job as an attorney means that sometimes I represent parents or children in child protection cases. Sometimes I represent clients in family law cases where parents are fighting over custody. Not to say that these parents aren't good parents. They are most of the time.
For me the hard part is reading reports about the kids in these cases. But not for the reason most people would think. It's hard for me to read these reports because it makes all the more glaringly obvious that Maddy is behind developmentally. It's hard to read reports about a one year old and all the things this baby does that my 5 year old still doesn't do. It makes me want to cry out, "Why Maddy?"
Most of the time, I don't even think about this. Maddy is who she is and we love her the way she is. But there are times either when I read about other kids, or see other kids in public or at her school that I am so frustrated. Not for myself. I'm frustrated on Maddy's behalf. It's hard to see her struggle with tasks that other kids find so easy.
Communication is the one I struggle with the most. You can just tell that Maddy wants so badly to talk and use words. I can see her struggle to try and make sounds on cue. She simply can't do it right now. We've been working on alternatives, such as signing or pointing to pictures, but neither one of those methods have been super successful at this point.
It's hard not to feel at these moments like we are letting Maddy down in some way. I know that's not rational, but as parents we want to do and be everything for our kids. Kiss the boo-boo better and slay the dragons. It's so hard not to try and compare other kids to Maddy. I can put these thoughts in the back of my mind most of the time, but every now and then, it sneaks in. That being said, Maddy is a bright shiny point of light in our lives. And that, I wouldn't change for anything.
